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New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe: The Kotaku Review



The new Super Mario Bros. U is the second best 2D game Mario . New Super Luigi U is an incredible showcase of inventive level design. They came out six and five years ago, respectively, although today you can play them on a public toilet

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Blessed with the opportunity to critically revisit the games on which I have several years of experience in thinking, I have seen fit to make an unorthodox review that I think derives great benefits from the video format. This review focuses on small puzzles of 2D games Mario in general, highlighting mainly examples in New Super Mario Bros. U . I try to do it in a way that is at least fun. If you have neither the time nor the courage to watch a 36-minute video, I provided the screenplay below.

In addition, you could read Jason Schreier's review of New Super Mario Bros. U from the back in 201

2!

If you do not have time for any of these options, know this: I love these two games and I'm glad to have them on my Nintendo Switch. The new Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe is now available and costs $ US60 ($ 83).

New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe

Let me start with a controversial statement:

Mario's 2D games are terrible.

Oh, I'm sorry: I was just practicing my acting technique.

I love Mario games in 2D as much as I love being negative. So, on the occasion of Nintendo's release of New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe for the Nintendo Switch, please grant me while I perform what for me constitutes a high level mental gymnastics enterprise. olympic: madness of a Super Mario in 2D game.

So here's an attempt: 14 annoying annoyances I met while playing New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe for Nintendo Switch!

There are not yet new things!

New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe composed of the Wii U games New Super Mario Bros. U and New Super Louis U compressed in one convenient package , now delightfully portable for the Nintendo switch. The new Super Mario Bros. U was released on the Nintendo Wii U literally six years ago, in November of 2012. The new Super Luigi U was released five and a half years ago, in June of 2013. These are some old crisp games. You can buy the two-pack containing both New Super Mario Bros. U and New Super Louis U for only $ US29.99 ($ ​​42) used by Gamestop.

Of course, this is the Wii U version. Unless you're the editor-in-chief of Kotaku Dot Com, Stephen Totilo, Wii U is not exactly portable. So let's move on and add a hypothetical cost of convenience to $ US29.99 ($ ​​42). How much is the comfort of being able to play this game on a plane that is worth for you? Nintendo sent me the game before my holiday, so I have the experience of playing at an airport, and let me tell you: it's definitely better than watching on Twitter! I'm going to say it's worth $ US10 ($ 14).

In addition to portability, N and Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe adds a new playable character, Toadette. Toadette runs faster and stops shorter than any other character. By challenging the understanding of the mushroom's nutritional value, Toadette can absorb a crown-like object and instantly become a humanoid that tears the body, a horrible xerox-facsimile of Princess Peach. This "Peachette" can float gently if the player holds the jump button. If it falls into a pit, it bounces back up exactly once. It is the "simplest" mode for new players. Meanwhile, Nabbit, who appeared in New Super Louis U is now also available in New Super Mario Bros. U . Nabbit is intended for the less experienced of all Mario players. If Toadette is in Easy mode, Nabbit is Baby Mode.

I played throughout the game And I collected 100% of Star Coins as Toadette, because I love new experiences as much as I love Mario 2D games, and I have to say: if it were sold as DLC, I would have arrived at $ US10 ($ 14).

I received this game for free, although I'm quite odd that I probably would have paid $ US60 ($ 83) for this just so I could have an official 2D Mario game on my Nintendo Switch. I am sincerely in love New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe . It has some of the best level design in the history of the series. Polygon Dot Com called it the best Mario game of all time! They were wrong. It's still a great game, especially when you play two, three or four players. Unlike New Super Mario Bros. for Wii, where bumping into your friends and accidentally killing them was as common as jumping on a platform, The new Super Mario Bros U levels are always large enough to accommodate four players. I call this "Party-Time Level Design." The new Super Mario Bros. U is the * real * Mario Party.

Multiplayer New Super Mario Bros. U on a big television screen is a great time. On the other hand, I tried two players New Super Mario Bros. U on the Nintendo Switch in portable mode and the very first outgoing zoom made Mario and Luigi indistinguishable from fleas.

I played almost everything New Super Mario Bros U Deluxe alone, in portable mode, on planes, chairs for the airport, the subway in New York, and a sofa in the corner dark and cold of a huge office building, with the sound turned off. This definitely put me in the perfect mood to process all the flaws in the game!

In short: there are not enough new things. I need at least one new world. And some DLC. And it would be nice if that DLC were free.

"Is this child's first Mario, or what?"

As we said, Toadette is in easy mode. Nabbit is the child mode. Both are optional. If you want to play exactly what your level meant, play like Mario. If you want an extra challenge, try Luigi. If you want to play like Toad, play as Toad. Except it's not really a frog. It is a yellow toad. I do not know why it's yellow. Red Toad is busy elsewhere.

However, if you are playing two players, one of you can be Mario. One can be Luigi. One can be the yellow toad. Now one of you must be Nabbit or Toadette. While Toadette * is * at least * interesting * easy to use, it is still an "easy" character. If the other three players are JERKS, they could REPLY to you for being stuck with Toadette.

New Super Luigi U for the Nintendo Wii player U forced four to play as Nabbit, although he also presented a blue Toad in addition to the yellow toad. If only New Super Mario Bros. U for the Nintendo Switch had Blue Toad in it, four expert-level players would have been able to play together! When we published a video of this game in December, a large number of comments shouted with this complaint. I have to say, I'm on agreement.

In addition, the Super Guide is back. In case you do not know the Super Guide: debuted in New Super Mario Bros for Nintendo Wii. If you die several times, show up, to provoke and be ashamed. Some say that if you jump up and hit him, Luigi will jump out and demonstrate the optimal path through a level. I, of course, I never hit, nor should you. Every time it shows up, it means you're dead enough to make a stupid video game, and you're laughing at yourself. Leave me alone, brother!

The 2D Mario Bosses are boring

2D The bosses of Super Mario are like paperwork. They are a formality. If playing through a world is like reading a contract, complete with many dangers such as "consulting a lawyer", the bosses are like initializing each page. OK, some are pretty good, even though most of them are extremely stupid. It's like, with an alarming majority of bosses, I'm like, "Yes, I know what I should do, I do not want it because it's boring."

When I was a triple A game designer, I liked to create a mental experiment called " The I Get It button ". a "Share" button, so I think it was less fun than it could be now.

The mental experiment is like this: imagine there was a button on the controller with the label "I Get It." Heck, imagine it's right under the "Share" button on the PlayStation 4 controller. When you press this button, the game stops and asks you a trivia question. How, right here, would you ask,

"How do you kill this boss?"

And you have to choose one of the many choices. So he asks a follow-up question like "What then?" If you answer a lot of questions, say "OK." You won. "

When you play a level or a boss or a match or some tiny shred or discard of a video game you are developing, keep in mind The I Get It Button. If an isolated encounter makes you ever want this button, fix your damn thing.

In Mario's 2D games, boss fights work like little hints of the hangout tradition of the formality of cartoon characters. We are making documents with comics characters that we know, recognize and perhaps love, even if it is a formality. It's less like going to Chuck E Cheese for my birthday party and more like going to Chuck E Cheese for my mom's son's birthday party that prides itself on knowing exactly which foods will kill a dog.

How, why is not there? Shin Megami Tensei / Person Demon Mechanical Conversation in Mario Games? Why can not I just give Boom-Boom a mushroom 1 to make it go away? Those things are worth 100 gold coins. Boom-Boom is clearly an idiot who is likely to be ordered around. The little Koopa are obviously exploiting him and his big muscles. I'm sorry for the boy.

The Art Direction

When New Super Mario Bros was released for the Nintendo DS in 2006, I observed to a colleague that " New Super Mario Bros looks like a Flash game." tides of time have dyed tea that offend. Today, in 2019, I revitalize my poison when I say that New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe looks like an exclusive edutainment app for Android. No offense to Android's exclusive edutainment apps. Some of my best friends make exclusive edutainment apps for Android.

I must admit that when I first hated the new art of Super Mario Bros I was an employee of Sony Computer Entertainment Japan, and hate without enthusiasm Nintendo products was a little bit. a gag in the office. I mean, we all had Nintendo DS. We bought all New Super Mario Bros. We probably would have preferred the pixel art, even if you know what? Today, almost thirteen years later, the artistic style New Super Mario fermented in himself. Looks good. It seems exactly the type of game these games: good, clean, simple, fun at party.

Although sometimes the exuberance of art interferes with its readability. Look at these bean-leaf platforms here. Notice how the light evenly shades them. The "earth" level inside these platforms is exactly on the median line. You can see a weak rift. In the heat of the stroke and of the jump one could confuse the upper part of the background portion of the leaf for the solid mass. This also fools the eyeball of the expert repeatedly. I remember many years ago my friend David Hellman, the artist of the backgrounds in the game Braid who described a similar effect in the unevenly inclined platforms in the game Earthworm Jim . Since then I called "The Earthworm Jim Effect."

Sometimes I can not figure out where an enemy's hitbox begins and ends. The ancient pixel perfection Mario brought his platforms to challenge the balancing of an Olympic sport. In New Super Mario Bros. U sometimes my eyes hungry for precision can not preconceive the survival skills of squatting under enemies like these.

Applaud New Super Mario Bros. U I'm excited to present myself constantly platforms that dance with all the energy of the backgrounds of a super Super Mario Bros. 3 . That said, sometimes I can not say just looking at a platform where its range of movement is about to end. Sometimes inside the ecosystem of a level two noisy platforms that look identical orbit their respective positions with different termination angles. What I am saying is that sometimes two platforms that look exactly the same do not do exactly the same thing, and this is unclean and unjust. As in the case of these underwater stone statues: they rotate as you approach them, even if none of them rotates in exactly the same degree. The ancient games of Mario presented exclusively challenges that a hypothetical genius could cross on the first try. The new challenges of Super Mario Bros U do not require exactly the pre-knowledge of the level layouts, although in their unpredictability they require a higher level of adaptability of the hypothetical genius. Given the exuberance of the background graphics and the enemy animations, I am comfortable in diagnosing this as a problem of artistic direction.

Water levels are a Buzzkill

Nobody likes swimming! It's like taking a bath and working out at the same time!

My friend Brent Porter previously said that a game consisting entirely of Super Mario swimming levels could be really good. I immediately accepted.

This does not mean that they work in New Super Mario Bros. U . It is perhaps the intention of the game director that slower swimming levels punctuate the traits of kinetic bliss that encompass the drier challenges of the game. Each of many fast-paced gauntlets, to punish our inclination to success, the game exiles us under the waves, in which we must momentarily fight against the dangers of nebulous geometry.

Levels are good in isolation. Some of them are even excellent. Mario's level designers are some of the most angelic beings in existence; they excel with the challenges of crafting on all terrains. Yet they never make these levels during a sequential game of sequences do NOT resonate with a thundering buzz-kill.

Yoshi & # 39; s Too Quiet!

Yoshi is my dog, And my best friend. Yet in this game it is strangely unexcited. The cute flickering exclamation of the cartoon that came out of his egg in Super Mario World is over. Also, Kazumi's excited voice "KK Slider" Totaka, who gives voice to Yoshi in various other games. Yoshi's egg now breaks with an insignificant plague. Yoshi's excited grunt during the execution of his extra long double jump maneuver has vanished. Now all we hear is a squeak and a gentle squeak. As I said, Yoshi is my dog, and my best friend. I want my best friend to talk. I want my dog ​​to bark. I also want to keep Yoshi on multiple levels, instead of abandoning him to the castle every time I complete a Yoshi zone approved by the level designers. In short, my friend grew up, and I do not

[Note: this section is much, much different in the video. It’s my favourite section in the video. In it, I feature some voice clips I recorded, which I believe fit Yoshi’s personality in this game.]

Waiting Is Pain

My friend Bennett Foddy, creator of games like QWOP and Overcoming him With Bennett Foddy he loves the frustration as much as he likes the words of four letters and that put his name in the names of videogames. Two years ago he wrote an essay on the "eleven flavors of frustration" he enjoys in game design.

My favorite flavor of frustration lacks a platform in a game of Super Mario and therefore having to wait for it. I know I messed up something wrong during my run through the level. I know that I solved my dedication to efficiency probably for a solitary second fragment. And now I'm here, waiting for an elevator. When I think back to the memories of loving Mario games memories of the levels of mastery so that Mario arrives on a platform exactly as he slides on the spot stand out clearly. It takes dedication to get the good one on one level Mario .

This section of my review is written from the point of view of someone at the exact moment when you lose a platform for the first time, before they have learned to love it:

Mario's games allow the player to run fast and free, to jump up and down, kiss the sky, kiss the clouds and kiss the sun. Mario's games are the original parkour. So when a Mario game shrugs you off in a figurative way and says "Hey, wait there for a couple of seconds", it's a thicker insult than I've ever experienced in high school.

One of the two buttons in the very first Super Mario Bros. mainly performed a dash function. By pressing and releasing this button with skillful timing during the race, the player can navigate smoothly almost completely, without ever stopping, in any of the game's obstacle glove. The deep understanding of the various states of acceleration and deceleration of Mario includes most of the experience of a skilled player.

When an obstacle or situation in a game of Mario causes a player to stop and wait, this usually seems to be a defeat: perhaps the player was not able to move fast enough in the situation before the arrest, eliminating the flow of the rest of the level. This makes the player feel like a rube.

However, sometimes a game of Mario makes you stop simply because it's the way the level is designed and, oops, there's nothing you can do about it. [19659004] At their best, these interruptions take the form of moments of tension in which the player waits for a necessary platform while negotiating geometry against an immortal enemy. Elsewhere, an arrest can challenge us to enjoy ourselves suffering from a mechanical difficulty waiting for optimal alignment of our escape route. In their most banal moments, strategic waiting moments fall into the "Brawler Elevator" category, where we find ourselves on a platform that moves slowly vertically, contending with the idiots who would punish us for not paying attention. In the worst of cases, these interruptions see Mario standing in the middle of a circle of stupid ghosts, waiting for a shallow emptiness in the ghost circle to reach an agreement with an unpredictable patrol routing platform.

In its worst absolute, Super Mario's waiting game turns into deep meanders of the philosophical core of the automatic sliding stadiums.

The automatic sliding stages originate in Super Mario Bros. 3 . In Super Mario Bros. 3 most of the automatic sliding phases are great. During the next episodes of the Mario series in 2D, the quality of these phases decreased slowly. In Super Mario Bros. 3 the slower of the automatic sliding stages has always kept the player occupied, usually with cannon balls and evil bullets, an endless series of stifling deadly obstacles. In this way, the slow auto-slip phases magically create moments of tension and release explosions.

The automatic sliding phases in New Super Mario Bros. the games simply feel like handcuffs, as if insulting you, as if they were laughing at having taken away your generous freedom of rebound.

On the other hand, one of the New Super Mario Bros. U & # 39; The best levels is a level of automatic scrolling.

Overworld Riddles

Occasionally New Super Mario Bros U throws you a little enigma over the world or a challenge for timing. I vaguely remember these noisy provocations when they play New Super Mario Bros U on television with my great friends Doug and Julie Jones on New Year's Eve 2012. The little riddles play like concentration match in tempo Games. Remember the randomly generated path, then choose a Plinko release location.

These are as interesting as the puzzle that unfolds on the back of a children's menu of Denny's garden. If you get stuck, you have to fight a small meeting from a single room for which you are, at least, rewarded with an upgrade. I have to say, however, as I scrutinize back and forth through the world map that pulls out the Star Coins from the levels I'd first encountered in a kinetic fury, every time I slap a whammy, I just want to kill my man. By the way, that was a reference to Press Your Luck in the previous sentence.

I only wish I could give Hammer Bro like a mushroom and leave. Then again, why are there 1up mushrooms in this game?

Extra Lives? In this economy?

If you die in multiplayer mode of a New Super Mario Bros. game, your friends will have the opportunity to make you relive. In multiplayer mode, all players must die so that the game can reset players on a checkpoint. This constitutes a radical overhaul of the way in which Super Mario Bros. games manage extra lives. Except New Super Mario Bros still has extra lives.

The new Super Mario Bros. U distributes extra lives as close at hand.

Maybe they should have done with extra lives what they did with pixel art? For example, Super Mario Odyssey works well without extra lives. If you die, pay coins. I have to say: someone complains that the lack of a traditional "live" mechanic makes the game "too easy" is a kind of weirdo. And not even a funny weirdo: they're kind of boring weird. For example, if you complain that the lack of extra non-traditional mechanics makes an episode of the game – "too easy", what you are doing is exposing your insecurity: you need a few meters to prove yourself marginally better than someone else, because you can not try to erase the whole game without a single hit. As if a professional speed racer complained if the game did not have extra traditional lives? RED BULL EXPORTS & # 39; GOLDEN BOY GRANDPOOBEAR would complain if a new Mario game did not have extra lives? I sent him a DM on Twitter and, uh, it turns out he literally just had a baby, so I did not ask him and instead I let him keep going out with his baby. Congratulations on the little GPB!

As if a level were so difficult that it could not beat its second half, does it matter even if there is a checkpoint? Perhaps they could remove the extra lives and then renew the checkpoint mechanics. For example, perhaps an extra attempt at a checkpoint costs you 100 coins. If you do not have 100 coins, you must start the whole level. I'm not saying this is a final solution. I'm just saying it's good enough. In this way, players will be able to see that number of coins going up for a million years. It is better than seeing a "99" at the top of the screen constantly.

If nothing else, wow, it takes a long time to be reborn after your death. I have timed me. It takes 18.9 seconds to crush the buttons from the moment the impact on the restart level is a bit too long of 17.9 seconds! Hey Shigeru Miyamoto! Play Celeste ! (I know that Shigeru Miyamoto has not directed this game, however, being a member of the "All" set, Shigeru Miyamoto should absolutely play Celeste .)

Hidden Information

Super Mario Bros. the games walk well line between the visible and the invisible On the one hand, when the first game by Super Mario Bros. arrived in 1985, his dedication to readability has hit the adolescence of the video game design profession like a thunderbolt. the player can see in Super Mario Bros. 1 behaves exactly t the same way every time we meet him.

Some obstacles start hidden, drawing a bold line between what the player can always see and what the player sometimes has the opportunity to see. "Sometimes" is, of course, both the professional statistic and the favorite word of the main game designer. The Piranha plant is the perfect example. Sometimes, a piranha plant lives inside a pipe. In this case, it opens out of the tube as Mario approaches, perhaps biting him. Sometimes, a pipe lacks a piranha plant. A single encounter with a piranha plant creates mistrust in the player's approach to all subsequent pipe encounters.

On the other hand, the world 1-1 of the first Super Mario Bros. the game also contains a hidden 1up mushroom that appears out of thin air if the upward arc of the jump of a player intersects what at first glance appears to be a random position in the air. This may not happen until the tenth or eleventh time a new player plays this stage. Perhaps a child next to you must show it to you before you start doing it yourself.

Whatever your introduction, this surprisingly hidden object massages a strange compulsive mental position, whose deepest dream implores the sufferer to probe every space and hit every place. The games of Super Mario never disappoint this compulsion. The Super Mario worlds abound in blocks of invisible coins. The placement of these hidden pleasures requires delicate precision from the level designer. In antiquity these blocks were few and cryptic. Today they hide in a more gregarious frequency. Note the presence of a fiery flower hidden in front of the door of the head of each world. At this point, why hide the ignition? Video games often lie, and loudly. Lying is their strongest power. Nothing lights the imagination like a shrill manufacture. However, not all lies are as dishonest as this fiery little flower.

When the toes approach the border between dishonesty and dishonesty, the level designer begins to take quiet freedoms. We can cross some walls in New Super Mario Bros. U by finding coins inside. We can usually see an interruption in these walls or guess the surrounding obstacles. At the end the passable walls do not offer any visible symptoms. The level designer has ventured beyond the limits in their relationship to responsible adult caretaker with the player.

I'm not afraid of the dark. I do not like it.

Now the level designers have acquired all the necessary tools to justify their decision to turn off the lights.

I * hate * levels in video games where you're in the dark. The only game that comes close to doing it well is The Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past . Once my job was to prototype concepts to make fun darkness in a third person shooter Gears of War 1 pre Gears of War 2 triple-A made in Unreal Engine 3. I spent two months on the task. Mostly I have just copied The Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past . I was like, and if there were any lamp objects that you had to interact with during the fights, and you could see them faintly in the darkness, and if you turn them on, paralyze nearby enemies for a few seconds before escaping to a dark place? It turns out that it was too difficult to balance. What ended up in the game was an unconvincing version of the synchronization towers of by Assassin & # 39; s Creed . Oh good.

They call them video games for a reason. You must be able to SEE something on the screen. Therefore, you should not set video game levels in dark places, unless you're doing a horror game.

In the 2018 switch, on the Nintendo Switch, I have another reason to hate dark levels. Lo schermo di Nintendo Switch è così lucido che se sto giocando in una zona buia di Nuovo Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe in modalità portatile sulla mia casa di passaggio, le luci della metropolitana sono così luminose che posso vedere il mio riflesso sullo schermo. L'ultima cosa che voglio regalare a un videogioco è l'esperienza di guardarmi negli occhi dopo una lunga, davvero estenuante giornata di gioco letterale Super Mario Bros. per vivere all'età di trentanove anni. Il volto umano appare sempre peggio in una riflessione a basso angolo quando si invecchia. Intendo letteralmente. Intendo anche figurativamente.

Ghost Houses Suck

Quello che sto guidando è Ghost Houses Suck.

Ghost Houses è arrivato per la prima volta nella puntata della serie Super Mario Super Mario World in 1990. Nel 1990, Ghost Houses ci mostrò una miriade di possibilità ludiche per i livelli di gioco platform in cui le regole si ruppero e la logica non ha fatto bene a nessuno. Oggi, se guardiamo alle prime case di fantasmi, vediamo quello che potremmo chiamare il design a livello di Proto-Puzzle-Platformer.

Metto l'accento sul "proto". Le case fantasma di Super Mario, una piattaforma di puzzle, sono semplicemente

Lasciatemi dire così: se le Ghost Houses sono i tuoi livelli "preferiti" di qualsiasi gioco di Super Mario, sei il 10.000% un narc.

I giochi di Mario sono al loro meglio quando Mario è correre e saltare. I giochi di Mario sono più mediocri quando Mario sbaglia il suo approccio alla piattaforma di un ascensore e deve stare in piedi aspettando che torni giù, senza nemmeno un solo nemico che gli tenga compagnia. I migliori livelli dei giochi di Super Mario sono quelli in cui leggi ogni oggetto di livello mentre si nutre sullo schermo come un rullo di pianoforte, dando alle tue dita la gioia di un virtuoso ragtime. I peggiori livelli dei giochi di Super Mario sono quelli in cui nulla ha senso.

Le case dei fantasmi non hanno senso. Un buon livello di Mario è come, "Corri abbastanza velocemente, salta con la grazia appena sufficiente, schiva questo nemico, schiva sotto questo nemico, scappa dalla sporgenza e atterra perfettamente su questa piattaforma proprio mentre scivola sul posto." Le case dei fantasmi sono come "Lol quella porta era in realtà una moneta." Lo odio.

Permettetemi di darvi un po 'di baseball all'interno della composizione di questa recensione. Ho giocato tutto il gioco, notando le mie lamentele mentre lo facevo. Poi ho fatto bollire la lista delle lamentele fino a quattordici punti elenco. Then I watched a 100% playthrough of the game on 2x speed, taking notes about which grievances came up in which levels. At the end of my viewing of the full game, I had composed a list of levels to play for video capture for my video. Then I wrote this script.

Ghost Houses show up in my notes as convenient perpetrators for almost every section of this list. Some of them feature swimming—in the dark. Most of them include platforms, obstacles, or enemies of visually nebulous collision geometry. One could defend them by saying they “break up the tedium” of the running and jumping levels, though that’s where I would argue that putting the game down and doing something else also breaks up the tedium of the running and jumping levels. Didn’t Nintendo, after all, pioneer the feature wherein a game intrudes to tell the player they should take a break?

For Mario, the tedium is the message. Running and jumping isn’t tedious. It’s what Mario is good at. Ghost Houses are not what Mario is good at. If I want a Ghost House, I’ll play Limbo again.

At the end of this exercise, I’ve come away thinking two things:

First, that the childish nonsense of ghost houses, by virtue of its contrast from the rest of the surrounding games, stands as a rich affirmation of the prowess of Super Mario’s level designers at producing straightforward gauntlets of excellent kinetic joy.

Second, that Super Mario Maker’s very existence is almost definitely Nintendo acknowledging that they don’t know how to make Mario into a puzzle platformer, that the idea intrigues them, and that they’d love to see millions of other people try and succeed.

No Bowsette?!

When Nintendo fans saw the first trailer for New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe for the Nintendo Switch, we freaked the heck out upon our first glimpse of the Super Crown. This object could turn Toadette into a Princess Peach-Toadperson hybrid. Between ponderings of the true nature of humanity, our terrified imaginations found solace in the humorous idea that anyone could put on this crown and become a humanoid princess—even Bowser. Thus Bowsette became the biggest meme of 2018. Despite the press’ begs, Nintendo refused to comment on quote-unquote “internet posts.” As the game’s release impended, the official website for New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe described the Super Crown as just for Toadette. Their blurb included the words, “Sorry, Luigi.”

At any rate, within the game itself, the Super Crown doesn’t even appear unless Toadette is in play. And in a multiplayer game, only Toadette can pick it up. It shows up about as commonly as the Squirrel Acorn. Seeing as you can’t play as Bowser, the game offers the player no avenue to test the theory of Bowsette. In summary, Nintendo didn’t have to say anything. Just let people live, Nintendo.

Wonderful Mario Buddies

And that’s all I got! Should you buy New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe for the Nintendo Switch? Well, if you never played New Super Mario Bros. U for the Nintendo Wii U, or if you want to experience it again with friends—or Toadette—maybe it’s worth it to you. If you absolutely require an official 2D Mario game on your Nintendo Switch, here it is. If you’re just looking for a platform game and you’ve never played either this or Celesteget Celeste. It’s $US20 ($28) and it’s about ten times as good as this.

Like I said at the beginning of this review, even if Nintendo had not sent me the game for free, I probably would have paid $US60 ($83) for it day one. Then I would have 100%’d it in several feverish hours, in portable mode, on my sofa, in the dark, late at night, with the sound off. As my sweat cooled I would have likely begun brainstorming a New New Super Mario Bros.

Like, New Super Mario Bros. debuted in 2006. That’s almost 13 years ago. I’ve heard several parents and grandparents refer to a four-year-old child as a “baby,” though a 12-year-old?

Is New Super Mario Bros. not too old to be “New” anymore?

I propose that Nintendo make a New New Super Mario Bros.with a new graphical style. Maybe bring back that hard-edged crayon look of Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island. Maybe make Mario out of yarn! No, wait, don’t make Mario out of yarn.

Maybe be bold and drop the “Super.” “Super” hasn’t been relevant since it was first used to indicate a difference from Regular Mario Bros. Will somebody please get this man a new adjective? How about “Ultra Mario Bros.”? Maybe, in the spirit of inclusivity, it could be “Wonderful Mario Buddies.” I like that!

This would be a perfect opportunity to go in a new musical direction, as well. Personally, I’m partial to classical guitar covers on YouTube of Super Mario Bros. 2 songs. I envision them maybe mixing that with some good ragtime piano. It’d be a lot better than the music that’s in there now.

Wow! That reminds me: I forgot to make fun of the music! It slipped my mind because I played this entire game in four airport chairs, two aeroplanes, a bed, and a sofa in this office, always with the sound off. If memory serves, the music in the New Super Mario Bros. games is better suited to playing out of a Bluetooth speaker inside a toilet at Teletubby Headquarters. If I had to suggest a better soundtrack, I’d go with something a little more like this:

[Here I play the Hilarious Music that I use at the end all my videos. It comes from a music service. It was the first search result for the keyword “stupid.” I have taken to calling it “Honktown Clownaround.” You really have to watch the video version of this review for this joke to land. I’m sorry. Trust me, it’s great in the video. If you’ve read this text first, though, you know it’s coming, and without the entire 37-minute buildup of much more somber music, it’s likely this joke won’t do it for you. I’m sorry.]


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